I have been a mother since the beginning of my marriage to my husband. When I entered into a forever life with him, I entered into a forever life with his son. I was 21 at the time and I had no idea what I was doing or what the future would hold. Still going to college, I had to figure out how to be a mom/stepmom, a wife, and friend all at once. Not easy. Not easy at all. Whoever says that doing something like that is easy is a flat-out liar. Never in my 21 years of being alive and well on this earth did I ever imagine I would be getting married and becoming a mom instantaneously. It rocked my world. I had never experienced teething with a child. I had never experienced the stomach flu (that one really threw me for a loop). Along with all of the normal stuff that kids go through, our little guy was seeing this new person (me) in his life, and at first, he did not want to have ANYTHING to do with me. He would start crying anytime I tried to pick him up or even touch him. He was glued to my husband's side until he was about 1.5 years old. Now it's not just, "Come on Daddy!" but "Come on Momma!". Through all of those sleepless and tearful nights, wondering if this sweet little boy would ever love me, God would whisper reassurances of grace and hope into my weary and tired heart:
"My daughter, you are sharing this child with someone else. This child did not come from your own body, but I know, being the One who created you, you will be able to love him so deeply and unconditionally as if he is your own. The message of grace that you will show through your love for this little person will point others towards Me and My goodness. I have asked you to do a hard thing, and I would never ask you to do something this hard and leave you alone. I am with you forever and always."
Once I had decided that I would love this little boy unconditionally and without reserve, whether he reciprocated my love or not, my heart was lighter. Things were not as dark around me or in our home, and our little boy slowly began to open his heart to me. First it was building with Legos together. Then reading books. Then clinging to my legs begging me not to leave Grandma's house so I could go to the store. If someone had told me in the midst of those really hard times with our son that he would love me that much, I would have thought they were playing some sort of sick joke with me. I would not have believed them. But God has shown me that the impossible is possible. Hate can turn to love, and fear into acceptance and friendship.
I am now a mother to another little blessing. And I love her just as much as our first blessing. God has taken down that divider, that stereotypical stepmom/stepchild mindset that everyone seems to have, and replaced it with a seamless, unchanging, unconditional love for both of my children. And I am forever grateful.
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